The John Thai Experiment

Red Light

2009-01-23T08:53:00.000-08:00

I'm in my car, stopped at a red light just like everyone else. Since there's really not much I could do, I just look around to see if there are any hot girls or strangers picking their noses in the cars to my left or right. Of course, even if there were, I don't usually do much afterwards. I have wandering eyes and like seeing hot girls or weird mishaps. It's not like I'll ever strike up a conversation with them saying "That is a great nose picking technique...teach me".

Anyway, while stopped at a red light, I usually just check out the cars stopped around me. This is where I can't help but laugh because I find amusement at stopping at red lights with traffic. What amuses me enough that I find myself laughing in my car? Those dumb fucks that inch up while they're stopped at a red light. It's really funny if you think about it. What's the most you can inch your car up at a red-light? A few inches?

"Where do you think YOU'RE going?" is what I usually wonder that makes me laugh. Way to go, you're now an inch or two closer to your destination. What a riot! You can't move forward until the car in front of you anyway so inching up is useless.

I probably think much like what a killer whale thinks as it watches a seal desperately trying to swim away. "Heh heh, where do you think you're going?"

You're going no where. The only time I find it useful to inch up is if you wanna be a dick like myself by inching up to prevent ANYONE from thinking they could change lanes into the space in front of you. Really, what the hell's with people inching up while stopped at a red light? You're only a few inches closer to your destination. The only difference, no matter how negligible, is that you ended up wearing down your brakes more than had you not inched up.

Watching people inch up in traffic is funny. Is being an inch or two closer to your destination that important that you feel the need to do so at a stop light? If it is, I guess you have a whole set of other things to worry about besides me laughing at you from my car when I see you doing so.

Oh well, maybe I'm just so pathetic that I need to laugh at people to feel better about myself.

Air Dryers SUCK!

2008-10-22T08:48:00.000-07:00

I have no problems using public restrooms. I'm not like those people that are too self-conscious of themselves to take a dump in a public restroom stall. Heck, I've taken pisses in the sinks before when the stalls and urinals were full. Since I have no problems doing that, it's obviously I have no problems taking a dump in public restrooms either. First off, I wanna ask those people why they have problems doing so. It's not like you're taking a dump in front of an audience. I find you people rather amusing because, eventually, you people WILL have to take a dump in a public stall and I find it funny seeing how those kinda people seem to freak out at having to do so. It's also funny seeing people trying to hold it in so they can get home.

Now, while I have no problems using public restrooms, I do have problems with certain kinds of restrooms. The restrooms I can't stand are the ones that use air dryers instead of paper towel dispensers.metimes, I don't even care to wash my hands, not because I'm lazy, but because I

Anyway, when I wash my hands, I wanna be able to dry my hands. The problem is that air dryers suck. Sure, they don't really help me in drying my hands since it usually shuts off before my hands are actually dry but they also suck for other reasons.

I like washing my hands when I see paper towel dispensers. If there are only air dryers around, cleaning my hands has no significance since I have to touch the door handle to open the door to leave the restroom. Guess how nasty that door handle is? I'm sure there are a shitload of people out there that don't wash their hands. If that's the case, touching the door handle to get outta the restroom basically defeats the purpose of cleaning your hands. There are three major places where germs can be found, on the faucet knobs, on the door handles, and on the paper towel dispenser handle.

The faucet knob is filthy because people need to turn the knob after taking a shit or piss to get the water running. The paper towel dispenser handle is dirty because of the people who have dirty hands from using the faucet knobs before using the paper towel dispensers. The door handles are also dirty because there are a lot lazy people out there that don't bother washing their hands anyway before they leave the restroom. Frankly speaking, the bathroom is literally a shithole loaded with germs.

Now, if you have a paper towel dispenser, you can easily get outta the restroom with your hands clean. Before you wash your hands, pull the paper towel handle a few times to have some paper towels ready for use later on. Go wash your hands. Without turning the water off, use the paper towel you have at the ready to turn off the water and pull the lever for some more paper towels. You dry your hands with the with the second paper towel and use it one last time on the handle to open the door that'll let you exit the restroom. There you have it, a surefire way of getting out of a restroom without spreading nasty germs onto your hands.

With air dryers. You can't do this. This is because, without paper towels, there is no real way you can get outta the restroom unless you touch the door handle to open the restroom door. Sure, the door sometimes swing the other way, but it's not always the case. Of course, you have a few options, like using the sleeve of your shirt or waiting for someone to enter the restroom and leave when they open the door, but both of them seem a bit annoying. Using your sleeve to get out means your shirt sleeve will get the germs. While they're not on your body, they might as well be. Waiting for someone to open the door for you is also pretty useless since you have no idea how long you might have to wait.

If we eliminate all the air dryers from all public restrooms and replace them with paper towel dispensers, that means I'll will feel some sense of satisfaction in cleaning my hands since that means they won't get dirty again when I try to leave the restroom.

Now, because I wrote a rant about how to keep clean when using the restroom, people probably think I'm one of those people terrified of germs that suffer from OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder). Let me assure to you that I am not a neat freak or a suffer from OCD.

Anyways, air dryers suck.

I Hate Obnoxious People

2008-10-01T10:58:00.000-07:00

And what's funny is that girls do this the most but they can get away with it since a guy is willing to put up with their stupid shit so long as it might give him a chance to get laid.

I was watching this stupid show the other day. I don't really remember what the name of it was except I thought the show sucked. It seemed a bit like a dance tournament where various people do various styles of dance and try to strut their stuff on the stage in hopes of winning something I could give a rat's ass about.

The thing I noticed about that show is that the audience around the dance stage seemed to consist almost entirely of females. I'm sure many guys don't mind seeing anything that has more females than males. Well, you guys should think otherwise. If that was the case, where we have towns with a lot more females than males, we'd probably see those damn 'Mac' makeup stores at every corner. Oh yeah, and more of those scented candle stores. What's with women and scented candles? Don't they realize that guys don't like seeing candles because the hardened wax looks like someone jizzed all over the candle holder?

Anyway, I've come to the conclusion that having many girls in a single place that consist of applauding ANYTHING is a big mistake. Girls make too much goddamn noise. How the fuck can girls get so goddamn worked up over the STUPIDEST FUCKING SHIT?

Thinking it could be PMS is stupid. Sure, when girls are menstruating, anything can get them worked up and in a frenzy, but you need to know that this is another area of 'girls getting worked up over the stupidest fucking shit'.

Let's take a show like TRL. It's an MTV show that basically plays the top ten music videos and is hosted by Carson Daly. Have you ever watched that show and watched how all these girls go fucking nuts over ANY music star that show up as guests on that show? How the fuck can you possibly get worked up over seeing someone famous? Really, is your life so pathetic that you need to find solace in admiring someone who could give a rat's ass about you and your pathetic fanaticism?

Before you girls start arguing about how we guys are the same with sports and usually cheer our heads off for our favorite teams, let it be known that cheering sports is cool and cheering for stupid shit like some damn boy-band isn't.

Shit, after watching that dance show and watching all these girls scream their heads off as some white dude emulates Michael Jackson's Thriller dance choreography exactly, I've come to realize that girls seem to find it perfectly fine to be obnoxious bitches and just keep screaming just for the fuck of it. How the fuck can they find seeing someone dancing like that incredibly cool? The guy EMULATED Michael Jackson's dance choreography! The guy didn't come up with any new dance moves, he didn't spice up the dance choreography and make it better, he didn't do shit. If I wanna see something like that, I would rather watch the original, not so impostor. I found it really sad watching this and seeing a buncha girls screaming their heads off like the guy was actually Micheal Jackson in person doing said dance choreography.

Why do girls feel the need to make so much noise at the stupidest shit? Have you ever seen girls CRY at the sight of some famous superstar when they are at a concert? Holy shit! What the fuck's with that? Okay, I know girls are more emotional than guys are. But you know what? I don't care. How the fuck can you be moved to tears? I know, I don't understand because I'm a guy. And y'know what? I'm glad. Off the top of my head, I can only think of a few things that can make a guy cry. 1)His dog dies 2)His parents die 3)His best friend dies 4)He accidentally sat on his balls. Now you girls should understand why I don't understand how you girls could be moved to tears seeing a pop superstar.

Making as much noise as possible at ANYTHING seems bullshit. If I'm at a concert or such, I want to be able to hear what's going on. Why the fuck do I want to hear your super-loud whistling? Ooh, you're so special. You can whistle real loudly. Here's a question, if your incessant whistling annoys me, why the fuck would it not annoy anyone else? Am I an exception? Do I not see the awesomeness that is your whistling loudly? Hm, I think not. I think I'm like everyone else, where I hate fucks like you that always wanna make noise.

Okay, so maybe these people are getting into the groove of things and don't realize they're being obnoxious fucks. Well, they must be morons. Does getting caught up in things let you off the hook? Of course not. Let's say we all start rioting and you start rioting with us. If you get caught, does saying that you got caught up with the flow of things let you off? Of course not. Getting caught up with the excitement of anything does not mean you should act like a dumb fuck. Saying you were caught up in the thrill of things as an excuse is stupid.

Hopefully, after you've read this, the next time you decide to just scream at the top of your lungs at stupid shit like the sight of some dude on a stage dancing or singing or playing an instrument, try and remember this rant.

You could very well be that obnoxious fuck that this rant is about.

STUCK ON A SITE!

2008-09-25T07:29:00.000-07:00

I hate those sites that you hop onto that don't let you hit the 'Back' button out of there. I constantly run across these sites, be it porn-related or not, and it really pisses me off. I usually accidentally end up on these sites via search engines. Why the heck do these sites not want me to hit the 'Back' button out of there? Do they think that preventing me from leaving their site will make me wanna hang around and look around simply because I'm too lazy to close a browser and open a new one? Wrong! It makes me hate the site all the more. And keep in mind I'm not talking about those sites where you can exit by hitting the 'Back' button twice quickly. I'm talking the ones where you can't get out of no matter how quickly you hit the 'Back' button.

When I go looking for action figures or comics to buy, I usually go around price matching for the best price (ie: the place that has the best shipping charges). Therefore, that means I'm constantly checking out multiple sites, leaving and entering and so on. The problem is that, on occasions, I come across a site that doesn't let me leave via the 'Back' button. They simply trap me on their site. If that's the case, I make sure I don't buy from that site. If I am a potential customer, why would you want to inconvenience me by forcing me to stay on your site and having to open a new browser? Inconveniencing me make dislike your site and makes me more unlikely of using your site in the first place. That's not good business, to inconvenience a potential customer. For instance, if I need to buy something at the store (ie: not online) it's like me browsing a store and the store suddenly locking the doors behind me to keep me from leaving.

One of the most annoying things about the Internet is the dreaded pop-up. You're surfing the Internet and suddenly, a pop-up window pop's up when you visit a particular site. It's annoying having to deal with pop-ups since they usually block the site you wanna view so you have to take the time to actually close the pop-up window. Of course, you can easily get rid of that by getting various pop-up blockers like Zero Popup or getting the Google Bar that has a pop-up blocker built in. Nowadays, since we don't really have to worry about pop-ups, we still have to deal with those sites that prevent you from leaving it via the 'Back' button. These sites I find worse than those pop-ups. Getting trapped on a site sucks.

Ads that ACTUALLY existed in the past

2008-09-19T07:10:00.001-07:00

Ad for Leggs

Puma

Camel Cigarettes

7-up

Coca Cola

Most epic office pranks

2008-09-18T08:04:00.000-07:00

Caution! epic prank!

As seen on The Office, mouse in a vat of Jello

The red cups spell "PWND" and all the other cups filled with water

Superglued tacs to the toilet seat

Tin foiled cubicle

Replace everything with cardboard replicas

Post-it noting the whole car

40 year old virgin gets tasered

2008-09-17T08:33:00.000-07:00

A 40-year-old man walking his dog in the nude Friday night in northwest Tallahassee was Tasered by police when he became belligerent and refused to follow an officer’s commands.

An officer on patrol spotted the man about 8:15 p.m. in the 2200 block of Hartsfield Road, said Officer David McCranie of the Tallahassee Police Department.

When asked what he was doing, the man told the officer, “Allah told me to watch a Bruce Willis movie and walk the dog,” McCranie said.

“He was obviously having some sort of emotional distress,” he said. “It was unfortunate we had to use the Taser. … It was the only way we could subdue him without having to hurt him.”

The man was then sent for mental-health evaluation and treatment.

Fucking Hilarious :D

Link

Bio-engineered Pets?

2008-09-12T08:29:00.000-07:00

GenPets are bio-engineered pets specifically created to make pet care as simple as possible. They come in a state of hibernation, but awaken when the sleep inducing protein serum is removed from their nutrient supply tube. They are creepy as hell...

Official Website

Just kidding, this was an art project! but this could happen in the near future

Evolution of Nintendo Characters

2008-09-11T10:52:00.000-07:00

I thought I show you guys the evolution of our beloved Nintendo characters. I am proud to say that I recognize every era of Mario, Link, and Kong. Shortly after seeing this epic picture I dusted off my old NES and played the first Mario... I suggest you do the same.

New Dragonball movie looks like BALLS!

2008-09-10T10:43:00.000-07:00

Hollywood fucked up our childhood...again

Goku landing on shit island

"STAY AWAY FROM MY PORN COLLECTION!"

Looks more like Voldemort, Piccolo is supposed to be green...FAIL!

Chow Yun Fat got brain washed into making this drivel!

Could it be balls in my hand?

Yup...hot steaming balls

Well the new Dragonball screens leaked onto the internet and I will be the first to say this looks like effing crap! I rather drink buffalo poop. Fucking hollywood ruining everything they touch. Whats next? another Street Fighter movie? oh wait! they are making another Street Fighter movie, what the shit! they should of done this movie in complete cgi like Advent Children but they chose a skinny male lead as goku, the last time I checked goku looked like he was one last steroid injection towards "no-balls" but this skinny lead looks like he got beat up for his milk money.

Anticipating score: 0/5

Movie Review: My Sassy Girl

2008-09-09T07:49:00.000-07:00

I caved and watched the American version of My Sassy Girl being a fan of the original Korean version of this movie. While it’s a largely faithful remake, it can’t quite overcome some amateur production and its own quirky touches.

For the uninitiated, the original My Sassy Girl was a major box-office smash in Korea, marrying screwball comedy with an unexpectedly poignant and romantic conclusion. Unfortunately, that concept doesn’t translate quite so well on these shores.

The principal theme is the budding relationship between a stable, somewhat nerdy guy (Jesse Bradford) and a wild, crazy, and abusive girl (Cuthbert). Their first encounter is when the sassy and completely wasted girl passes out in public, leading the chivalrous guy to rescue and look after her. In the original film, this act wasn’t quite so chivalrous as the guy ended up taking her to the equivalent of a love hotel where he had to talk himself down from violating her. Clearly, this wouldn’t fly here in a romantic comedy, so in the US version, our gallant hero takes the girl back to his apartment that he shares with another present roommate, thus negating any possibility of hanky panky.

Actually, the original also had its own glaring flaws, and it’s only the grand reveal of the true cause of the girl’s sassiness that allows both this film and the original to successfully reach their final stages as completely touching romance. It’s a long and frequently unbelievable road to get there, but viewers who hang in ‘til the end of this new version will find a satisfying conclusion.

I give this movie: 3/5

American Version Trailer

Korean Version Trailer

Imax Laser Show

2008-09-08T13:13:00.000-07:00

Me and my fellow compadres met up on the early morning of August 10th to experience the Dark Knight in the Imax theater. To our surprise we were about to encounter witchcraft at its highest degree. We sat with our tub-o-popcorn discussing the awesomeness of the movie we were about to witness, I even remembered stating "It's going to be like staring into Gods Vagina". 5 minutes before the start of the movie we were disorientated by a booming voice that came out of the movie screen, it was like Zeus was talking to us. We sat startled and about to urinate our trousers, trembling with fear with our foreheads and palms perspiring sweat. Then the most terrifying thing happened, lasers started shooting at us from all directions, pinned in our seats and distracted by our popcorn we were not able to move. The moral of this story kids... do not go to Imax its full of witchcraft and sorcery

Just kidding I thought I rant about how unnecessary laser shows are. I thought laser shows faded into cheesy existence in the 80's.

Popsicles and Magazines Rant

2008-09-08T12:20:00.000-07:00

I love popsicles, heck! I'll devour a couple scoops of ice cream any chance I get, nobody can resist creamy delights. The only problem I have is when the treats come together, creating a half Popsicle, half ice cream concoction. Who was the wise guy in marketing that thought of this? "Duh... hey guys I loves popsicles and ice cream, lets put dem two 2gether" I think this treat only satisfies people that like getting punched in the junk repeatedly or people that like fruit on their pizzas. Think about it, would you dip your grape Popsicle into a vat of ice cream? No! You wouldn't! Only a half wit would do that! Or a prego teenager on smack. Fuck interracial popsicle/ice cream treats I hate them all.

I was reading my magazine the other day and decided to read an article I found interesting. I thought I was finished but nope, this fucking magazine told me to turn to page 67 to continue my story! Fuck you magazine! Quit telling me what to do; besides, I am far too lazy to read on or flip pages. And it really peeves me when I decide to go to page 67 and accidentally start reading some other story, which confuses the fuck out of me "Algore did WHAT?!? I thought I was reading about manatees...” On the subject of reading have you ever had one of those friends that read the book before the movie? Most annoying people on the face of the earth. "Oh! The book was WaaaaaaaaaaAaay better!" I just want to say to them "Well you know what’s the best part! In the movie I didn't have to READ!”

F*ck you, Chores!

2008-09-08T09:16:00.000-07:00

Fuck you, cleaning the fridge. How the hell do you get so dirty? I don't eat in there, I simply store food. What the fuck is that stain on the bottom shelf? Do gnomes have parties in here when I'm at work or something? Nasty little gnomes. And, for some reason, I feel really, really vulnerable when I'm bent over, scrubbing your gross shelves. Don't know why. So thank you for keeping my beer cold, but fuck you for making a mess of it.

Fuck you, paying bills. Every god damn month? Are you kidding me? I barely even surfed the web this month, I still gotta shell out all that cash? And, while I'm at it, fuck your pathetic little late fees. They're small enough for me to easily ignore them but they add up over time. So, thank you for the cell phones, heating, and the internet, but fuck you constant demands.

Fuck you, deleting old porn to make room for new porn. What man can make this decision? It's like choosing which of my kids to leave behind on the sinking ship. Fuck, this is killing me. I hate my laggy connection.

Fuck you, changing light bulbs. It's 2008, right? I figured by now technology would've at least advanced to the point where I don't have to stand on my wobbly chair and deal with this crap. Two bonus fuck yous: for scaring the crap out of me when I walk into a darkened room, innocently flick the switch and get momentarily blinded by that huge flash and terrifying pop! Also, for somehow convincing your light bulb brethren to join you, causing a chain reaction that means I'm filled with fear whenever I turn on a light. Pop! Pop! Pop! What, did you all join in a suicide pact while I was asleep?
Bastards.

Fuck you, washing dishes. Yes, I know, you smell funny, and I know the longer I wait, the more weird slime stuff is just going to accumulate on you. That's why I've pretty much switched to just using paper plates (fuck you, environment) and eating with my hands. I'm a caveman in my abode.

Finally, fuck you, writing this rant. Using my fingers is hard work.

Driving in Cow Town

2008-09-08T07:37:00.000-07:00

OK, I have been driving on Calgary roads every day for a lot of years. When you start driving, it doesn't take a much time to see all sorts of characters. At first, these people sightings might be somewhat shocking or even funny, but you begin to grow used to the jerkness, toothless, yelling, drunk, cracked out, stinky, sweaty, and perverted characters that drive the streets of Calgary. They really don't bother you much; in fact I welcome a little cameo from these guys once in a while. After all, it is part of our city culture.

That said I have compiled a list – a spilling of my mental Rolodex of the people I share the road with on a daily basis. These are the monsters I can't get used to and won't accept. They annoy the ever-loving piss out of me. Thing is, I never see these hooligans all at once, but I do see one at least once a day.

If people are honking, flashing their lights and shaking their fists at you perhaps you should reevaluate some of your driving habits.

Here are a few pointers.

When sitting at a red light please don’t redo your makeup, read a newspaper, change your clothes, masturbate, give head to your passenger, allow your passenger to give YOU head or begin distracting activities that may cause you to be otherwise occupied when the light turns green.

When the light actually turns green there shouldn’t be a deliberative process necessary before you STEP ON THE GAS.

The roads are overcrowded as it is and all it takes is a couple of retards sitting and staring at a green light for 15 or 20 seconds to start a chain reaction behind them that leads to what we call VOLUME SLOWING.

If you are in the left lane and you want to drive at a leisurely pace, I understand. GET IN THE RIGHT LANE. This is the lane for slower traffic.

If you are driving in the left lane and you are dead even with the guy in the right lane, YOU ARE FUCKING UP.

There are people behind you with appointments to keep, jobs to go to or who may have an urgent need to use the bathroom. Please move to the right and let them get about their business.

Some of the people passing you may exceed the speed limit in doing so. This is perfectly legal but even if it wasn’t please remember, YOU ARE NOT A LAW ENFORCEMENT OFFICER. We have paid professionals who are perfectly capable of enforcing the law and YOU ARE NOT ONE OF THEM. By intentionally slowing traffic you ARE BREAKING THE LAW and may be ticketed for this violation.

If you are in the right lane and someone in the left lane is signaling to get over LET UP ON THE GAS. I don’t know how many times I have put on my signal for thirty or forty seconds and tried to merge right only to experience a blaring horn and upraised finger from some retard who has been pacing me in my blind spot for the last km or two.

Just for the record, this is why so many people fail to signal turns and “cut you off”. They know that as soon as you see the turn signal you will probably sit your passive aggressive ass directly in the way and stay there for as long as possible.

About being “cut off”. The only people who are “cut off” are those who REFUSE TO YIELD. You do not own the road and must share it with about a million other drivers. Get good with this fact or move out to bum fuck airdrie where your driving won’t raise eyebrows and tempers.

I’m not advocating blasting through police diversions at 60 miles an hour but there is no need to slow down to a crawl when passing an accident, curioustity cause additional accidents you and your voyeur of a family don’t want to become a part of the roadside tragedy you are gaping at, GET A MOVE ON. The same goes for other roadside diversions including break downs, pretty girls getting ticketed, accidents on THE OTHER SIDE OF THE STREET, emergency vehicles going in the opposite direction on a divided road and related events.

In conclusion. I don’t care what kind of self-absorbed butt nugget you are in the rest of your life please remember that you are piloting a couple of tons of metal glass and plastic around the road. Try to rise above your vile self just long enough to get from A to B without pissing every other driver on earth off and we’ll all be a lot happier and some of us may live a little longer.